In this exercise you write the first email from a small bookkeeping firm to a winery that has never heard of it. Read the brief below before you press Start exercise. It stays on this page, so you can close the exercise, look something up and carry on where you were. There are four tasks: put the parts of a cold email in order, sort sentences into strong and weak, answer a short quiz and write the email in the trainer, which checks your draft as you type.
The brief
All companies, people and figures are invented for teaching.
Topic | Details |
|---|---|
You are | Leon Weber, account manager at Proseware, a bookkeeping service for small firms in Portland, Oregon (USA) |
What Proseware does | Monthly bookkeeping, payroll and year-end paperwork for the client's tax adviser. Clients send receipts as photos from their phone. |
Proof you may use | Proseware does the books for 30 small food and drink producers, including two wineries. You may not name any clients. |
The prospect | Coho Winery, a family winery with 18 employees |
Your contact | Maria Lopez, office manager. The winery's website names her as the contact for suppliers. |
What you know (public) | The website's news page says Coho Winery opened a farm shop and an online shop in May. Last week the winery posted a job advert for a part-time bookkeeper. |
What you do not know | Who does the books now, whether they are happy with it, their budget |
Your offer for this email | A free one-page checklist: "Bookkeeping for a farm shop" |
Your signature | Leon Weber, Account Manager, Proseware, 1200 River Street, Portland, OR 97201, (503) 555-0142 |
Coho Winery is in the United States. There, an email like this may be sent to a business if it is honest, includes a postal address and offers a way to opt out (an overview of the CAN-SPAM Act, not legal advice). In Germany, for example, it would need the recipient's prior consent.
Rules for your email
50 to 125 words in the body.
A greeting with Maria Lopez's name.
The first sentence is about Coho Winery, not about Proseware.
One reason for writing now: the farm shop, the online shop or the job advert.
Exactly one question, which is your call to action. No other question marks.
No "I hope this email finds you well".
A sign-off with your name, the signature from the brief and a line that tells her how to say no.
A model answer
This is one good answer, not the only one. It has about 100 words in the body.
Leon Weber
leon.weber@proseware.example
Bookkeeping for your new farm shop
Hi Ms Lopez, I saw on your website that Coho Winery opened a farm shop and an online shop in May. Congratulations. Two new sales channels usually mean many more small receipts each month. At Proseware we do the books for 30 small food and drink producers, including two wineries, and receipts can simply be sent as phone photos. Would a one-page checklist for farm shop bookkeeping be useful to you? Best regards, Leon Weber Account Manager, Proseware 1200 River Street, Portland, OR 97201 (503) 555-0142 If this is not relevant for you, just reply "no" and I will not write again.
Why it works:
The subject and the first sentence are about Coho Winery's news, so the reader sees at once why she got this email.
The second paragraph turns the news into a problem (more receipts) and gives the proof from the brief, no more.
The only question is the ask, and the offer costs her nothing.
The job advert is left out. Using it is fine too, for example: "I also saw that you are looking for a part-time bookkeeper, so the timing may be right." Do not use both and make the email long.
Phrase bank
Useful for business English classes.
Part | Phrases |
|---|---|
Opener | I saw on your website that... / I read in... that... / Congratulations on... |
Why now | ...usually means... / When a business..., it often... |
Value | ...so that you... / ...which means your team can... |
Proof | We work with... / Last year, ... |
The ask | Would it be useful if I sent...? / Would a short... help? / Is this relevant for you at the moment? |
Opt-out | If this is not relevant, just reply "no" and I will not write again. |
Teacher notes
How to run it (40 minutes). 5 minutes: learners read the brief alone and underline what they may and may not use. 15 minutes: the ordering, sorting and quiz tasks in the exercise. 15 minutes: writing in the trainer. 5 minutes: two or three learners read their email aloud; the class says which sentence they would cut. With a class link, learners hand in a result code at the end.
What the trainer checks. The live checks are simple text patterns: a greeting with the name, "Coho" somewhere, a trigger word, exactly one question mark, no "hope this finds you well", an opt-out phrase and a sign-off followed by a name. They are hints, not a grade. A learner can pass every check with a weak email, and a good email can miss one check (for example an opt-out line phrased in an unusual way). The self-checks and a human reader matter more.
Common mistakes.
Starting with "My name is Leon Weber and I work for Proseware". Ask: who is this sentence about?
Listing every service from the brief (bookkeeping, payroll, year-end paperwork). One is enough.
Inventing proof ("we save clients 20 hours a month"). Point back to the brief: only one fact is allowed.
A second question sneaking in ("Are you happy with your current bookkeeper?").
Treating the job advert as proof of trouble ("I see your books are a mess").
Forgetting the address and the opt-out line, or putting the opt-out line in capitals.
Follow-up questions.
Would you answer this email if you were Maria Lopez? What would make you delete it?
What would change if Coho Winery were in Germany? (Advertising by email to a business would generally need prior consent under § 7 UWG, so this email should not be sent there without it. See cold email and the law.)
Which other trigger in the brief could you use, and how would the first sentence change?
Going further. Learners repair a bad email in fix a bad cold email or plan what happens if Maria does not reply in the follow-up sequence lesson.